Okay, so this is the article I wish had existed about six months ago, because when my partner Sam and I decided to start exploring ethical non-monogamy together, the first thing I did was spend an embarrassing number of hours Googling things like "best dating apps for ENM couples UK" and "can couples use casual dating apps without getting banned" and, honestly, the results were pretty rubbish. You'd get a Feeld review from 2022, a listicle clearly written by someone who's never been in an open relationship, and about forty Reddit threads that all devolved into arguments about whether ENM is even real. None of that was helpful. So here I am, six months into using Kommons as one half of an ethically non-monogamous couple, writing the thing I needed to read back in November.
A bit of background on us: I'm Priya, I'm thirty-one, I live in Bristol with Sam who's thirty-three. We've been together for five years and we opened our relationship about eighteen months ago after a lot of talking, reading, therapy, and more talking. We're not swingers, we're not looking for a unicorn (I'll get to that), and we're not "looking to spice things up" in the way that phrase usually gets used. We're two people who love each other very much and who've come to the conclusion that our relationship works better when we're both free to form connections with other people. That's it. It's not particularly dramatic or scandalous, it's just how we do things. But finding dating platforms that understand that, and where other users understand that, has been genuinely challenging.
Why Kommons and Not Feeld?
I know what you're thinking. Feeld exists. It's literally designed for this. And you're right, I did try Feeld first, and I want to be fair about it because it does a lot of things well. Feeld lets you link profiles with your partner, it has all the labels and identity options you could want, and the community there is broadly knowledgeable about non-monogamy. If you're deep into the poly or kink world, Feeld is excellent and I'd still recommend it for that specific use case. I've written about this comparison in more detail with my thoughts on how Kommons stacks up against Feeld and Pure, so I won't rehash the whole thing here.
But here's the thing that surprised me: Feeld can feel quite intense if you're not necessarily looking for something heavy or structured. Sam and I aren't looking for a third partner. We're not building a polycule. We're each individually looking for casual connections with other people, independently, with full transparency between us. And for that, Feeld sometimes felt like bringing a sledgehammer to hang a picture frame. The interface is geared toward people who want to explore very specific desires and kinks, which is brilliant if that's your thing, but we just wanted something a bit more... normal? That sounds dismissive and I don't mean it to be. I mean that we wanted a casual dating app where we could be honest about our situation without it being the entire focus of the experience.
That's where Kommons came in. A friend of mine who's also ENM mentioned she'd been using it as an individual and that the vibe was really chill and respectful. She said people on there were more open-minded than on the mainstream apps but it didn't have the sometimes overwhelming intensity of Feeld. So Sam and I both signed up separately, were upfront about our situation in our profiles, and honestly, it's been a much better fit for what we're actually looking for.
Setting Up Your Profile: Being Honest Without Being Weird About It
This is the bit that I think most couples or ENM people stress about the most, so I want to spend some time on it. How do you set up a profile on Kommons that's honest about your relationship status without it reading like a legal disclaimer or, worse, like one of those couple profiles that makes everyone immediately swipe left?
First, and I cannot stress this enough, you should have separate profiles. Sam has his, I have mine. We are not "Sam and Priya, 31 and 33, looking for fun." That approach almost never works and it tends to make people deeply uncomfortable. Having a joint couple profile signals something very specific, usually that you're looking for a threesome, and even if that is what you're after, the joint profile format just puts people off. It feels impersonal and slightly predatory, even when it isn't meant to be. On Kommons, we each present ourselves as individuals because that's what we are. We're individuals who happen to be in a relationship with each other. If you want to avoid the classic profile mistakes that put people off on Kommons, keeping it individual is right at the top of the list.
In my profile, I mention that I'm in an open relationship in the first couple of lines. I don't bury it at the bottom, I don't hide it behind a euphemism, and I don't make it the entire focus. It reads something like: "I'm in a happy, long-term open relationship. My partner knows I'm here and is supportive. I'm looking to meet people for genuine casual connections — good conversation, good chemistry, no pressure." That's it. Clear, honest, no drama. I've found that on the platform specifically, people respond really well to that kind of straightforward honesty. Nobody's been rude about it, nobody's sent me a lecture about the sanctity of monogamy, and most people just... get it. A few have asked questions, which I'm always happy to answer, but the majority just take it at face value and we carry on chatting like normal humans.
Sam takes a similar approach on his profile. He's slightly more detailed about it because he found that being too brief led to people making assumptions. He mentions that we've been together for five years, that this is a mutual decision, and that he's not looking to replace anyone or sneak around behind someone's back. He said the response has been largely positive, with a few people unmatching once they read it properly, which is absolutely fine. Those aren't the people you want to be talking to anyway.
How the Kommons Community Actually Responds to ENM People
This was my biggest worry before signing up, if I'm honest. Dating apps can be weirdly judgemental spaces, even the ones that market themselves as open-minded. I was braced for a lot of hostility or, at the very least, a lot of confused and slightly suspicious questions. And I want to be really honest about what actually happened because I think it matters for anyone else in a similar position who's reading this and wondering whether it's worth the potential hassle.
The response on Kommons has been overwhelmingly positive. Not universally, I'll get to the exceptions, but the vast majority of people I've interacted with have been somewhere between completely unfazed and genuinely curious in a respectful way. I think there are a few reasons for this. First, the user base tends to be people who've already opted out of the mainstream dating app experience, which means they're generally more open to non-traditional approaches to relationships. Second, because the platform is explicitly for casual dating, people on there aren't usually coming with the expectation that every connection needs to lead to a conventional relationship. That takes a lot of the pressure off. Nobody's been threatened by the fact that I have a partner because they weren't looking for a monogamous commitment from me in the first place.
The exceptions? I've had maybe three or four interactions over six months where someone was negative about it. One person matched with me, clearly didn't read my profile properly, and then got a bit funny when it came up in conversation. That was mildly annoying but not upsetting. Another person was polite but said they just didn't feel comfortable with the situation, which I completely respect — not everyone wants to date someone who's partnered and that's entirely their right. And one person was genuinely rude about it, called it "cheating with extra steps," which is the kind of thing you develop a thick skin about pretty quickly in the ENM world. Reported, blocked, moved on. Three or four negative interactions out of maybe forty or fifty conversations is a genuinely good ratio. If you're used to the response ENM people get on Tinder or Hinge, you'll find it refreshingly chill about it.
Transparency Is Everything (And Kommons Makes It Easier)
I want to talk about this specifically because I think it's the single most important thing for any ENM person or couple using dating apps, and it's something that the structure of the platform actually supports quite well. Transparency. Full, upfront, no-ambiguity transparency about who you are and what your situation is. This is both a moral thing and a practical thing. Morally, people deserve to know what they're getting into. Practically, being upfront saves everyone time and energy and prevents the kind of messy situations that give ENM a bad reputation.
On Kommons, the profile format gives you enough space to explain your situation without it feeling cramped or like you're trying to squeeze a paragraph into a character-limited bio. That matters more than you'd think. On apps with tiny bio sections, ENM people often have to choose between explaining their relationship status or actually saying something about themselves as a person. Here, you can do both. I've got my ENM status mentioned clearly, but I've also got space to talk about the fact that I'm really into wild swimming and terrible horror films and that I make an unreasonably good dhal. You know, actual personality stuff that gives people something to talk to me about beyond "so how does the open relationship thing work?"
I'd also really recommend reading the consent and boundaries guide on the blog if you're new to navigating these conversations. It's written with a UK audience in mind and it covers a lot of the ground that comes up when you're being transparent about ENM on dating apps, things like when to disclose, how much detail to share, and how to handle it when someone has questions or concerns.
Tips for Couples Getting Started on Kommons
Right, practical advice time. Here's what I've learned from six months of doing this, distilled into the stuff I think is actually useful rather than the vague platitudes you usually find in these articles.
Have the conversation with your partner first. Like, really have it. Before either of you creates a profile, sit down and talk about what you're both comfortable with. Are you both going to use the app? Will you share what's happening on it with each other? What are your boundaries? What happens if one of you is getting more attention than the other? These conversations aren't always easy but they're essential. Sam and I spent about two weeks just talking through scenarios before either of us signed up, and I'm really glad we did because it meant that when things actually started happening, we'd already discussed how we'd handle them.
Don't use the same photos your partner appears in. This seems obvious but I've seen it happen. If your main photo is a couple photo with your partner cropped out, people can tell. Use photos of just you, being you, doing things you enjoy. You're presenting yourself as an individual, so your photos should reflect that.
Be prepared for different experiences. Sam and I have had very different journeys on the app and that's completely normal. I've had more matches and conversations, which is fairly typical in the casual dating world, and we've had to talk through feelings around that honestly and openly. If you're a couple where one person is getting significantly more attention than the other, that can bring up stuff. It's not a platform problem, it's a dating-world problem, but you need to be ready for it.
Don't be a unicorn hunter. I mentioned this earlier and I want to be explicit about it. Unicorn hunting, where a couple seeks a bisexual woman to join them for a threesome, often without much regard for her as an actual person, is something that the ENM community has rightly pushed back against. If you're a couple and you are looking for a third person, approach it with the same respect and consideration you'd want shown to you. Don't treat people as accessories to your relationship. On the app, the community is generally quite attuned to this sort of thing and people will clock it immediately if your profile gives off unicorn-hunter vibes.
Check in with each other regularly. Sam and I have a weekly check-in where we talk about how we're both feeling about everything, app-related and otherwise. It sounds formal but it's usually just a chat over tea on Sunday morning. Having that regular space to air anything that's come up during the week means that small niggles don't turn into big resentments. It also means we can share positive experiences too, because this stuff should be fun, and being able to tell your partner about a really great conversation you had with someone is one of the genuine joys of ENM when it's working well.
What About the Women's Experience?
I want to specifically address this because I think it's important. As a woman on the app in an open relationship, my experience has been notably better than what I'd expected based on my time on other apps. The message quality is genuinely higher, the conversations feel more respectful, and there's far less of the objectifying rubbish that you get on mainstream platforms. I think Rachel's piece about what the experience is actually like for women captures a lot of what I've experienced too, even though she's writing from a single woman's perspective. The core of it is the same: the platform attracts a user base that tends to be more thoughtful and communicative than what you'll find elsewhere.
Being ENM on top of being a woman on a dating app does add an extra layer, though. Some men hear "open relationship" and interpret it as "up for absolutely anything with zero boundaries," which is obviously not what it means. I've had a handful of conversations where someone's opened with something incredibly forward because they assumed my relationship status meant I had no standards or selectivity. That's not unique to any one platform, it happens everywhere, but it is worth being prepared for. My approach is to simply not engage with those messages. The block function exists and I use it without guilt.
Kommons vs Other Options for ENM Couples
I've tried a few platforms over the past eighteen months, so here's my quick assessment for anyone who's weighing up their options. Feeld is excellent if you're deeply into the poly or kink scene and want a platform that speaks that language natively. If that's you, use Feeld, it's genuinely good at what it does. The mainstream apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are technically usable for ENM people but the experience is generally poor, you'll face more judgement, more confusion, and more people who didn't read your profile. OkCupid used to be the gold standard for non-monogamous dating but it's gone downhill significantly in recent years. And then there's Kommons, which I'd say occupies a really sweet spot for ENM couples who want casual connections without the intensity of a dedicated kink platform. The app is welcoming without making a big deal about it, the community is respectful, and the experience is just fundamentally pleasant in a way that dating apps rarely manage to be.
What Kommons gets right, I think, is that it doesn't try to be specifically an ENM app or a kink app or anything with that narrow a focus. It's a casual dating app that happens to be genuinely welcoming to people in all sorts of relationship configurations. That means you're not in a bubble of only ENM people, you're mixing with everyone, and in my experience that's actually healthier. It normalises non-monogamy by just treating it as one of many valid ways to approach dating, rather than something that needs its own separate space.
The Stuff That Could Be Better
In fairness, the app isn't perfect for ENM users and I'd be doing you a disservice if I pretended otherwise. There's no option to formally link your profile with a partner's, which Feeld does have and which can be useful for demonstrating that your relationship is genuinely open and consensual. There's no specific relationship-status filter, so you can't search specifically for other ENM people if that's what you're after. And the profile labels, while decent, could be more extensive when it comes to relationship structures. I'd love to see options like "ethically non-monogamous," "open relationship," "polyamorous," and so on as selectable tags rather than something you have to explain in your bio text.
I've fed this back through the app and I'd imagine these are features that might come as the platform grows and the ENM user base becomes more visible. For now, the workaround of just being clear in your written profile works perfectly well, it's just not quite as elegant as having it built into the system. These are genuinely minor gripes though, and they don't change the fact that it's been far and away the best overall experience Sam and I have had on any dating platform.
Final Thoughts: Is Kommons Worth It for Couples?
Unambiguously yes, with the caveat that you need to approach it the right way. Separate profiles, full transparency, realistic expectations, and ongoing communication with your partner are all essential. If you do those things, the platform is genuinely excellent for ENM people and couples. The community is respectful, the conversations are real, and the whole experience is remarkably free of the judgement and hostility that ENM people face on other platforms.
Six months in, Sam and I have both had meaningful casual connections through the app, we've had interesting conversations with genuinely lovely people, and our relationship is stronger for it because the whole process has required us to communicate more openly and honestly with each other than ever before. That last bit isn't really about the app, it's about the work we've put into our relationship, but the platform has provided a genuinely good space for us to explore this part of our lives without feeling judged or unwelcome.
If you're a couple or an ENM individual thinking about trying Kommons, my advice is simple: just do it. Be honest, be respectful, be yourself, and give it a proper go. The community is ready for you and, honestly, you might be surprised by how normal and undramatic the whole thing turns out to be. Which, in the world of dating apps, is about the highest compliment I can pay.