Right, lads. I'm going to be straight with you because I wish someone had been straight with me when I first started using dating apps about four years ago. I wasted an embarrassing amount of time doing everything wrong — bad photos, cringe bios, messages that went absolutely nowhere — and it took me a solid year of trial and error before I figured out what actually works. I'm not some dating coach or influencer or whatever, I'm just a normal bloke from Liverpool who's been on enough apps to know the difference between what gets you matches and what gets you ignored. And since I've been on Kommons for the past eight months or so and had genuinely brilliant results, I figured I'd share what I've learned. Think of this as the advice I'd give you if we were sat in the pub and you asked me to be honest with you.
Your Photos Are Doing 90% of the Work (So Stop Using Rubbish Ones)
I cannot stress this enough. I used to think my bio was the most important thing, that if I was clever enough or funny enough with my words, it wouldn't matter that my photos were all taken in my dimly lit bedroom or were group shots where you couldn't tell which one was me. I was completely wrong. Your photos are the first thing anyone sees, and most people have already made their decision before they even glance at your bio. That's just the reality of it. I'm not saying you need to look like a model — I'm a pretty average looking lad, bit of a dad bod situation going on if I'm honest — but you do need photos that actually show you in a decent light.
Here's what worked for me. My first photo is a clear headshot taken outside during the day. Not a selfie — I asked my mate to take it when we were walking along the Albert Dock one afternoon. Natural light, I'm smiling properly (not that weird tight-lipped thing blokes do), and you can clearly see my face. That's it. Nothing fancy. My second photo is one of me at a gig — it shows I actually do things and leave the house, which apparently is a low bar but one that a lot of lads fail to clear. Third is a photo with my dog, because come on, everyone loves a dog. And fourth is a full body shot from when I was at a wedding last year, wearing a suit that actually fits. Four photos. That's all you need. Honestly, if your first photo is good enough, the rest are just supporting evidence.
What you want to absolutely avoid: mirror selfies (just don't, please), photos where you're clearly cropped out of a picture with your ex, gym selfies unless you're literally a personal trainer and it's relevant, sunglasses in every photo so nobody can see your eyes, and — this is a big one — that thing where every photo is taken from the exact same angle. Mix it up. Show different sides of your life. And for the love of god, make sure at least one photo is recent. I've seen lads who clearly look nothing like their photos anymore and that's just setting yourself up for an awkward first date.
Your Bio Should Sound Like You Actually Wrote It
Here's where I see so many blokes mess it up on dating apps and everywhere else. They either write nothing at all, which makes you look like you can't be arsed, or they copy some generic "I love travelling, food, and having a laugh" rubbish that tells you absolutely nothing about them as a person. The best bios I've seen — and the one that's worked for me — are the ones that sound like an actual human being wrote them. Like, if you met someone at a party and they asked what you're about, what would you actually say? That's your bio.
Mine is something like: "Scouser, work in logistics which is less boring than it sounds. Spend most weekends either at Anfield or pretending I'm going to start running again. Can make a really good carbonara. Looking for someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously and is up for a pint sometime." It's not Shakespeare. It's not trying to be clever or mysterious. It's just honest and it gives someone something to respond to. That bit about the carbonara? I've had multiple people open with a message about it. The Anfield bit filters in people who are into football or at least don't mind it, which is important for me. Every line is doing a job.
The worst thing you can do is try to be someone you're not in your bio. If you're not naturally funny, don't force jokes. If you don't travel every other weekend, don't pretend you do. The whole point of Kommons is to find someone who actually likes you for you, not some polished version of yourself that you can't maintain past the first date. Be specific. Say actual things. "I like music" is worthless. "I've seen Arctic Monkeys live four times and cried at the Tranmere Rovers playoff game" is a person.
First Messages: The Art of Not Being Boring
Okay, so you've got a match. This is where most blokes completely bottle it. The first message is not the time for "hey" or "how's your day going" or any of that filler nonsense. Think about it from the other person's perspective — they might have five, ten, twenty matches sending them some variation of "hey what's up." You need to stand out, and the easiest way to stand out is to actually reference something specific from their profile. It's so simple it's almost insulting that more people don't do it.
If their profile mentions they went to Tokyo recently, ask them about it. If they've got a photo with a really cool-looking dog, ask what breed it is. If their bio says they're obsessed with a particular TV show, mention it. You're not trying to be the wittiest person alive, you're just trying to show that you actually read their profile and you're interested in them as a person. That alone puts you ahead of about 80% of the competition, and I'm not exaggerating.
The other thing I've learned is to keep your first few messages relatively short and easy to respond to. Don't send a massive paragraph about your life story. Don't ask five questions at once. Just one clear, friendly, specific thing that invites a response. And match their energy — if they're responding with short messages, keep yours short too. If they're writing longer responses and asking you questions back, then great, that's a good sign, open up a bit more. It's a conversation, not a monologue.
When to Suggest Meeting Up (Hint: Sooner Than You Think)
This is one of the biggest things I got wrong for ages. I used to chat with people on the app for weeks, sometimes literally weeks, before suggesting we meet in person. And by then, either the conversation had fizzled out naturally, or we'd built up this weird pen-pal dynamic where meeting in person felt like a massive escalation rather than the natural next step. I've learned that the sweet spot is somewhere between three and five days of chatting, assuming the conversation is flowing well and you're both responding regularly.
The way I usually do it is pretty low-key. I'll say something like "We should grab a coffee sometime this week if you're up for it" or "There's a decent pub near [wherever they're based], fancy a drink on Thursday?" Notice I'm suggesting something specific — a place, a day. Not "we should meet up sometime" which is too vague and easy to brush off. Make it easy for them to say yes. And always suggest something casual and public — a coffee shop, a pub, a walk somewhere nice. Nobody wants a first date that feels like a formal interview at a restaurant where you're trapped for two hours.
I've found that people on Kommons are generally more up for meeting sooner rather than later compared to some other apps, which I think is because the whole vibe of the platform is more genuine and less about endlessly swiping. People are actually there to meet people, not just collect matches. But even so, read the room. If someone seems hesitant, don't push it. Suggest it, and if they're not ready, say no worries and keep chatting. Pressure is the fastest way to lose someone's interest.
Common Mistakes I See Other Blokes Making
Alright, time for some tough love. I've talked to enough women — friends, dates, people I've matched with — to have a pretty clear picture of what the main complaints are, and honestly, a lot of it is stuff that's really easy to fix if you're willing to hear it. First up: being too generic. I've already mentioned this with bios and messages, but it applies to everything. If you could swap your profile with any other bloke's profile and nobody would notice the difference, you've got a problem. The whole point is to be distinctly you.
Second: coming on way too strong. Compliments are fine but keep them appropriate in the early stages. Telling someone they're fit in your first message is not the compliment you think it is. Talk to them like they're a person you'd like to get to know, not someone you're trying to chat up at 2am in a club. There's a time and place for flirting, and the first message isn't it.
Third, and this is a big one: getting bitter when things don't work out immediately. Dating apps require patience. You're not going to match with everyone you like. People will stop responding sometimes for no apparent reason. That's just the reality of it and getting angry about it doesn't help anyone, least of all yourself. The lads I know who do well on Kommons are the ones who stay positive, don't take rejection personally, and keep putting themselves out there. It's a numbers game to some extent, but it's also a quality game — one genuinely good match where you both click is worth more than fifty half-hearted conversations that go nowhere.
Fourth: not having any chat. I know that sounds harsh but some blokes really do just answer questions with one word and then wonder why nobody keeps talking to them. A conversation needs effort from both sides. Ask questions. Share things about yourself. React to what they tell you. Show enthusiasm when something interests you. This isn't some special dating skill, it's just basic social interaction, and if you wouldn't be that boring in person then don't be that boring on the app.
The Stuff Nobody Tells You
Here's a few things I wish someone had told me early on that would have saved me a lot of wasted time and energy. First: your profile isn't a set-it-and-forget-it thing. I update mine every month or so — swap out a photo, tweak the bio, keep things fresh. The Kommons algorithm, like most platforms, tends to give a little boost to profiles that have been recently updated, and it also means your profile evolves as you do. The photos and bio I had six months ago wouldn't represent me as well now.
Second: don't be on the app 24/7. I know it's tempting to check every five minutes, especially when you're waiting for a response from someone you really like, but it's not healthy and it makes you come across as too available. I check the app maybe twice a day — once in the morning and once in the evening — and I respond to messages during those times. That's plenty. It also means when I do respond, I'm actually engaged and giving proper responses rather than firing off quick replies while I'm supposed to be working.
Third: take breaks when you need them. I've had periods where I've deactivated my profile for a few weeks because I just wasn't feeling it, and every time I've come back I've been more enthusiastic and had better results. Dating app fatigue is a real thing and pushing through it doesn't help. If it starts feeling like a chore, step away. The app will still be there when you're ready.
And finally, the most important thing: be yourself. I know that sounds like the most cliche advice in the world, but I mean it sincerely. The version of you that gets the best results on Kommons is the genuine version. Not the version that's trying to seem cooler or more successful or more adventurous than you actually are. The person you eventually meet up with is going to meet the real you, so there's literally no point pretending to be someone else. The right person will like you for who you actually are, not who you're pretending to be. And Kommons as a platform seems to genuinely reward authenticity more than most apps I've used, which is probably why I've had better luck on it than anywhere else.
Look, I'm not claiming to have all the answers. I'm still figuring this stuff out myself. But these tips have genuinely improved my experience, and I've gone from barely getting matches to having regular, quality conversations with people I actually want to meet. It's not rocket science — it's just about putting in a bit of effort, being genuine, and treating the whole thing like what it is: an opportunity to meet someone brilliant. Good luck out there, lads. You've got this.